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Joke of the Day

"*calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*"

"Another Sunday at Gym Church w/ Pastor Pumpz. We sang ""My Bod is an Awesome Bod"", ""Bod is Great Bod is Good"", and ""Be Thou My Protein"""

"What do you call a bossy kitty? A pushy cat"

"A man goes to visit the doctor Man: Did the test results come back? Doc: Yes, and the prognosis isn't good. Man: Well how long do I have? Doc: About 10. Man: 10 what? Years? Months? Doc: 8... 7...."

"I'm so glad l had piles of paperwork on my desk to soak up the coffee I spilled."

"What do you call a blind, legless buck? No eye-deer. EDIT: I totally messed this joke up. Please give me another chance with another joke?"

"A woman in her seventies overhearing that I was a tattoo artist asked if I wanted to see her ""rat"" tattoo. I said sure. She revealed a bare hip and said ""Oh, I guess my pussy must have ate it"""

"Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change."

"I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours. So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive swastika in my window too."

"I feel a sense of accomplishment when I keep a pen long enough for the ink to run out."