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Joke of the Day
"I almost got knocked out by a couple of celebrities recently.... Talk about seeing stars."
Next Joke
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."
"What did the pro bono plastic surgeon say to their patient on Dec 31st? Happy new ears Eve!"
"*exercises sarcastically*"
"If Bob Marley were alive today, what would he listen to music on? An iAndiPod. Just made that one up. I can hear the groans."
"Forgive me father for I have sinned, last week I hissed at 47 people because I like to pretend I'm a mean cat"
"If it's important to you, you will find a way to make it happen. If it's not, you will find an excuse."
"Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere? Because they don't have legs to walk, man."
"You could say I'm a Whiz Kid. I'm really smart. And I'll drink your piss"
"Egotist: A person who is usually me-deep in conversation."