224406

Joke of the Day

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."

Next Joke
 
"Did you hear about the cartoonist being investigated? Police on the case say he has a sketchy past."
"The best way to see if someone is telling the truth is to tie them to a chair and start up the ol chainsaw."
"Visitor: Wow you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot."
"How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a funeral? Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body"
"I've been trying to give myself a sexchange... but I just can't pull it off."
"""I woke up like this"" [looks terrible]"
"I planted a whole garden full of bird seed this year and not one bird came up. I quit."
"What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law? A Small Medium at Large"
"Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones. Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting."