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Joke of the Day

"Why should you never date a French Horn player? Because every time you kiss, they'll try to shove their fist up your ass."

"After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer."

"""How's your love life?"" Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. ""I'm sorry man"" it's ok. still got laid."

"What do you get when you teach Android grammar? A droid"

"Dyslexia cost me my job in IT Turns out my boss wanted me to unzip his 'files"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem walks into a bar... And I kid you not, he came out of NOWHERE"

"Why did the duck go to the basketball game? He heard the ref was blowing fouls!"

"I wish I had a job where I could just punch stupid motherfuckers in the face all day."

"OB-GYN My uncle is a very accomplished OB-GYN. He is also incredibly humble, when asked what he does for a living, he casually responds, 'I'm in the cervix industry. '"