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Joke of the Day
"After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer."
Next Joke
"Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys."
"If girls were as nice to each other in real life as they are in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be."
"How far away is the US Army's website? Just a few klicks away."
"It's Saturday! Go for a walk! Pay your bills! Take up smoking! Shave a loved one! Steal a baby!"
"Who was the only novelist with both direction and magnitude? Vector Hugo."
"When I say ditto after someone tells me they love me, it doesn't mean I love them. It means I love me too."
"Hungary conquered Turkey... They had to change their name to Full."
"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."
"""Anyone can be funny... But I can make you hilarious!"" -Marijuana"