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Joke of the Day

"Q: Where do books eat dinner? A: At the table of contents."

"My own ass has been talking shit... but it's just a bunch of hot air."

"My family treats me like a god. They only talk to me when they want something."

"Why do baby birds love Amy Schumer's comedy? They can't handle anything that hasn't been consumed and regurgitated."

"[Baby crying in a movie theater] Me: ""What's his name?"" Parent: ""Ethan."" Me: ""The movie's starting, Ethan."""

"So Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise... Apparently she found out that he'd been in A Few Good Men."

"I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on the way I had cooked his steak. ""Well done"" is rare from a medium."

"What did you call a dinosaur that keeps you awake at night ? Bronto-snore-us !"

"Taking candy from an American baby is, like, really hard."

"What was eating away at the computer's RAM storage? I don't know, but it was going at it one byte at a time."