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Joke of the Day

"Girl, are you Chernobyl? Because you warm me to the core and leave me glowing. Also I think you've killed some people."

"[standing next to the boss at the urinal] Ok, don't act weird. ""That's some impressive bladder volume, sir."""

"How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb? As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb."

"Yo mamma's so fat... When she walks down the street, people start telling Han Solo he better get out of here"

"Why couldn't the coal worker get into the movie? He was a miner."

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a registered six offender."

"What's a skydiver's favorite spice? Ground cumin! As long as they aren't running out of thyme."

"The embarrassment when you wake up to find your panties hanging from a chandelier and think, how did I end up in a place with a chandelier?"

"Malaysia Airlines loses contact with another plane. At least they know where this one is."