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Joke of the Day

"Ever have to pee SO bad that you're surprised that what comes out isn't mostly blood?"

"I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company... We're not very good."

"My laptop is creeping me out. It keeps saying hello to me. Maybe it's because it's a Dell."

"I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude's grasp on the English language was, like... twelveuous."

"A mexican and black person have a car race. They both end up going over a cliff and die. Who won the race? Society."

"What do you call a fruit that won't get married? A Cantaloupe."

"If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex to move back in. That would be the longest 3 months of my life."

"What do Native Americans call vegetarians? Poor hunters"

"What is a guy with multi-tasking called? Husband."

"Yo mama.. is so old that Steven Spielberg used her as a dinosaur consultant in Jurassic Park"