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Joke of the Day
"Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority? Because they're afraid of Dicks!"
Next Joke
"Oh so your boyfriend cheated on you? But how is every other man on this planet responsible for it?"
"A woman walks into a bar... The bartender asks what's she'd like to drink. The woman asks for a double entendre, so he gives it to her."
"What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch? Namaste"
"I saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene."
"I always sleep with a bed under my pillow, just in case"
"""I can hear my annoying neighbor crying to Adele's new song as she throws away her empty, clinking beer bottles."" - my neighbor"
"What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh haven't you heard? He's dead!"
"Every time I approach girls they inexplicably shoot away from me. Can't say definitively if I have the force but... The correlation is strong with this one."
"My wife wanted a Christmas tree in every room But I said no way that's overkill. So we compromised and now there's a Christmas tree in every room."