24033

Joke of the Day

"Oh so your boyfriend cheated on you? But how is every other man on this planet responsible for it?"

"Are you the date? Because you're 10/10"

"What's the difference between a dead dog and a black guy on the road Dead dog has skidd marks on it"

"Justin Timberlake has announced he's involved with a sequel the The Dark Crystal. He's bringing Skeksis Back."

"Why don't witches wear underpants? To get a better grip on the broom"

"No love I have for someone could ever be strong enough to make me think it was appropriate to stand side-by-side with them on an escalator"

"I went to a party dressed as a loaf of bread. The birds were all over me."

"I'm staying at a hotel w/ a 'hotel dog' that guests can walk & pet. Which is 1. adorable and 2. proof that the gov't can access my dreams."

"My friend's in a wheelchair and he acts like he's the toughest guy around. He can talk the talk, but..."

"[1st moon landing] Mission Ctrl: Be sure to say something important & profound Neil: Ok *steps onto moon* Neil: *clears throat* I'm a vegan"