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Joke of the Day

"I just threw away all the toilet paper in the office so this day is about to get interesting."

"Whats the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of them"

"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""

"I think my neighbor is stalking me through her computer, because I've seen her google my name. I'm certain I saw it on my telescope last night."

"The Tin Man carries around an axe because he is constantly afraid Ironman is going to hit on his wife."

"What do my toaster and I have in common? We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time."

"""You think I'm immature? Well, you know what! Our relationship is-"" *holds up imaginary walky-talky* ""Chhh-over."""

"Sex with me is like bowling. Lots of drinking and cursing. Sticking your fingers in weird holes. You have to rent shoes."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."

"How do inmates pay for things in prison? With ConCurrency, of course."