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Joke of the Day

"""You think I'm immature? Well, you know what! Our relationship is-"" *holds up imaginary walky-talky* ""Chhh-over."""

"My wife has been binge watching episodes of snapped, so I cancelled my life insurance policy, and haven't slept or eaten in days."

"What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Naaaaagggghhhhhhh."

"Damn girl are you a Nirvana album because...nevermind."

"Watching Finding Dory & her parents call her ""cupcake."" How do they know what that is? This movie doesn't seem very realistic, you guys."

"Whenever my parents talk about the good old days' they always seem to stop at 1979. Which is pretty cool, because that's also the year I was born... wait... what?"

"*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it's nest* HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!"

"I was going to make a joke... But I fainted"

"What did the Australian sea captain announce when he decided to wank with both arms? All hands on deck"

"Tom Cruise Jokes, Anyone?"