150362

Joke of the Day

"Sex with me is like bowling. Lots of drinking and cursing. Sticking your fingers in weird holes. You have to rent shoes."

"I caught myself whistling the Unsolved Mysteries theme while hiding a body."

"What do you call a rich Chinese person ? cha ching"

"My patient was refused his organ transplant. But I didn't have the heart to tell him."

"Q: What do you call Robin Hood's mother? A: Mother Hood."

"A horse walks in to a bar A horse walks into a bar. The bartender is also a horse. Everyone human is a horse now. Our lives are simultaneously more and less complicated."

"Defense attorneys are just like porn stars. Their only job is to get you off."

"Folks ask me why I still miss my wife after forty years. Well, I'm human and that bitch is still pretty quick on her feet."

"What do confused owls say? Too-whit-to-why?"

"LIAM NEESON: [writing grocery list] bread milk cheese eggs vengeance [he stops writing, frowns] vengeance grapes"