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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest will blow you"

"My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg."

"When my wife starts to sing I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening."

"My friend's crazy, he left a bunch of chocolate balls on the floor in his cat's litter box, they're not that good."

"What do you call an attractive girl in Poland A tourist. Or swap in Poland for wherever, spread the love."

"I swear to god if I ever see a car exploding I'm going to walk away from it in slow-mo and hope that somebody is filming it on their iPhone."

"Every day is a holiday if you love yelling."

"A sad time in a dad's life is when your son finally dunks on you so you have to cut his hamstring while he sleeps so he can't do it again"

"Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas."

"I feel like when life gives me lemons I just give them back because I hate holding stuff."