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Joke of the Day

"An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers "" I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"One I just made up. Did you hear about the dyslexic mafia? They all pay homage to the Dog Farther"

"What weapon is most feared by knights? A can opener."

"My friends call me The Archeologist Because I date old, dusty pieces of junk"

"A vampire walks into a bar... and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks ""I thought you guys only drink blood?"" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, ""I'm making tea."""

"I was sober for 12 years... And then i turned 13."

"How many Jews can you fit in a vw? 55. 2 in the front, 3 in the back and 50 in the ashtray"

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to smash with a sledge hammer the others just a fucking watermelon."

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!"

"I would imagine that Super Bowl 50 will be one L of a game. If you're British."