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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. ""Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy"" she replied. So I bought her a pet mosquito."

"Astronaut Booty Call... Crater My unit would like to explore your crater."

"Why doesn't smokey the bear have a wife? Anytime she gets hot, he beats her with a shovel."

"I just want someone to like me. Not you. I meant someone pretty."

"In lieu of the recent manhunt... The LAPD's motto is ""to protect and serve."" I think they ought to change it to ""We'll treat you like a King."""

"There are three kinds of people in this world... Those that can do Math, and those that can't."

"Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg ""Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?"" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*"

"Monday is a draft that was sent by mistake when God's cat jumped on the keyboard."

"How many animals are in a pair of pantyhose? Well there is 10 little piggies, 2 calves, an ass, a pussy and a dead fish, no one can find."

"What happens when a Jew walks into a wall with a boner? He breaks his nose."