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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an aging chef with an unfaithful wife? A cookold."

"she wants the D (director's cut)"

"*spits out animal cracker* This doesn't even taste like hippo."

"I'm a lot like Jesus because I like wine and I tell people what to do."

"Does anyone else think Squidward's nose looks like...nevermind. There are children in the room."

"So there's a guy with a speech impediment.... It's funny because his life is hard, and he was relentlessly ridiculed in grade school."

"The new Tattoo parlor across the street is free if you show boobs... ...Tit for tat."

"The Great Yarn Race **Joe:** Did you hear about the great yarn race? **Jane:** No. Who won? **Joe:** Well, they had to weave their selves through the obstacles and in the end, it was a tie."

"Why does the noble gas always cry? Because all his friends Argon."

"I'm the best at procrastinating.. Or the worst. Maybe I'll decide tomorrow"