116017

Joke of the Day

"I really need to watch my language... You know what they say, swearing is the grammatical crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers."

"Equality That's the joke."

"You may be a good person deep down inside, but I don't carry around a shovel"

"What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night? He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea."

"I'm afraid that my best friend is developing an addiction to brake fluid. I've called him out on it, but he says he can stop anytime."

"Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations."

"I bet that TV in hell consists only of Progressive and sad animal commercials."

"""Dude, we should swap spacesuits. Just for a laugh."" ""Ha, yeah ok."" [swaps suits] ""Now we sh-"" ""You took a shit in this, didn't you?"""

"I'm not a racist because racism is a crime And crime is for black people"

"What did Snoop Dogg say upon graduation as a EE major? My circuit breaker be trippin and my joint wouldn't solder..."