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Joke of the Day

"hi What did the painter say to the paint can? A lot of good you are . (the joke is that the paint can is empty)"

"Me: What's the capital of Ohio? Son: ... Me: It's also a famous explorer. Son: Dora? Me: Yep. Dora, Ohio."

"I love when I make people laugh so hard they spit out their water... Or food... Or baby..."

"Unraveling iPod earbuds in less than 10 minutes qualifies you to perform surgery in most 3rd world countries."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"How does a jew get his beer? He brews"

"A scientist and an engineer walk into a bar... The scientist says ""I'll have some H2O."" The engineer says ""I'll have H2O, too."" The engineer dies."

"What do little miss muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have curds in their whey."

"Just changed my dating profile headline to: ""Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives"" ...crossing my fingers"