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Joke of the Day

"Listen, you can keep retaking all the pictures you want but that's just what your face really looks like."

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"knock knock! who's there? i eat mop... :]"
"I'd rather have a laptop than an iPad. At least you can slam it shut when your lady walks in."
"Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries."
"You guys ever seen a cockatoo? Yeah? I bet you have."
"Twitter management's favorite part of a book is always Chapter 11"
"Joke regarding Canada What's a Canadian's favourite weapon? An Eh k-47"
"What's that over there? I don't know but I just got a raging clue"
"When I get naked in the bathroom... When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on."
"If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome."
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