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Joke of the Day

"I know we get a lot of dad jokes...here's a mom one What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine? Make it sew!"

"Her: Isn't she your girlfriend? Me: No, No, No, I broke up with her two days ago. She just hasn't checked her voice mail yet..."

"A man using the new Apple maps walks into a bar... ... or maybe a hotel. or possibly a church."

"Do you know where the Belgium waffle design comes from? From the German tank tracks."

"*notices girl singing song that's on in coffee shop* Me: You're a Cher fan too!? Her: Hold on *takes off bluetooth* Her: What? *dies alone*"

"Dating tip: Walk up to a girl in a club, smile, look into her eyes, take her hand and walk away. If she wants her hand back, she'll find you"

"What did the dog say to the man? Nothing stupid, dogs don't talk."

"If you ever get a job at a bank, take care not to slice your hand open while handling notes and coins. If that happens, you'll be sure to get a pay cut."

"What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion? An Accordion. ...I'll, uh, see myself out."

"If everyone was like you the human race would lose faith in the world."