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Joke of the Day

"I've got a mentally disabled flamboyantly homosexual friend. I describe him as being flame retardant."

"How do you confuse an AP student? Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C."

"What's the difference between Bono and God? God doesn't go around thinking he's Bono."

"2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy! Me: Oh ok then 2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy! Me: huh? 2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY"

"Every time I watch cartoons I imagine how badly they must reek of B.O. because they're always wearing the same thing."

"Menstruation jokes are never funny... Period."

"How do hipsters measure weight? In Instagrams."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy."

"[baby finally falls asleep] ME: *tip toes to couch* I can finally relax DOG: I'M GONNA BARK FOR NO REASON"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face"