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Joke of the Day

"The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I'm done picking my nose, I'm gonna smile and wave."

"my spirit guide told me to scale the shelves at Cosco and build a nest with toilet paper"

"Why does Mrs Pepper walk funny Cause Dr Pepper comes in a can."

"You're psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you."

"Asians are bad drivers cuz they're used to riding pandas while eating rice is that racist enough for you dad I'm sorry I wasn't in the war"

"When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy."

"Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your ""shake"" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake"

"Where does Q come before P? In front of a busy urinal."

"Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers."

"I watched what many consider the worst Star Trek episode ever, but I didn't think it was too bad. I guess I just have a lower Threshold for quality."