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Joke of the Day

"Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your ""shake"" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake"

"I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill."

"Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Two wongs don't make a white"

"Really sucks for those addicted to Apple products... ...now there is no *escape*"

"I use to have a quantum-sized girlfriend, but she was too quarky for me."

"I remember back when I had to charge my Nokia 8210 once every 96 days. My iPhone lost 4% just typing this tweet."

"My ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!"

"They say that 5 in 3 people are bad at fractions. Don't even get me started on the other half."

"I met a refugee on the bus today. ""What country are you from?"" I asked. ""Iraq"" he said. ""How did you escape?"" I asked. IRAN"

"Hate eating nachos with someone at the theater and our fingers touch. Especially if I don't know them, and they don't know we're sharing."