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Joke of the Day

"Sardine Wife: ""What's wrong?"" Sardine Husband: ""I just need some space, Linda."" Sardine Wife: ""WHERE EXACTLY SHOULD I GO, KENNETH"""

"It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say."

"I like my women like my coffee... ...really hot, and all over my crotch"

"Don't discriminate, hate everyone equally."

"I bet rapists can get their straw in a Capri Sun on the first try."

"'Calm Your Tits' is derogatory. Feminists reccomend, instead : 'De-stress the Breasts"",'Soothe your Boobs', 'Give that Chest a Rest', 'Don't have a Rack Attack' and 'Hakuna the Tattas'"

"Parents: ""Why don't you come socialize with the family?"" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*"

"Thirty seven years ago, my wife walked out on me because apparently, I hold on to grudges too long. What a bitch."

"I just got fired from my noose making job :( I was there for several months, but I just couldn't get the hang of it."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool."