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Joke of the Day

"So proud of myself...6 whole months without smoking! Today I was able to ride the elevator all the way to the top without getting winded."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEP3Jut-crE"

"And the Oscar goes to... ...Jail!"

"Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed? So he wouldn't talk in his sleep"

"How many maple leafs does it take to change a tire? Only 1, unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up"

"I need to get baked ...goods for the staff party this afternoon."

"Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing"

"I was sitting in a bar... When a guy yells out, ""Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?"" She yelled back, ""Because I swallowed them all!"""

"After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions."

"For the longest time I hated tumors.... but they are beginning to grow on me."