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Joke of the Day

"Today is the anniversary of the discovery of Uranus! Hershel was actually looking for the clitoris but found Uranus instead."

"Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? She grew out of her b-shells"

"What do you call a ghost who had a sex change? TRANSparent"

"WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess"

"Why does it take so long to play Israeli sports? Because all the replays are in shlomo."

"It's been a rough morning. Picked up my coffee, handle came off. Put on a shirt, button came off. Grabbed my tool box, handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!"

"Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out."

"[NSFW] What do you get when turn three blondes upside down? Two brunettes and a red-head."

"How do Mexicans greet Dr. Seuss? Jesus!"

"Second date tip: repeat everything you said on the first date, word for word."