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Joke of the Day

"When you have to poop so bad it comes out just as you reach the toilet... That's the shit I don't like."

"at the gym...what machine can i use to impress a lady??..gym instructor:try d atm machine by the road.."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead gorilla? There aren't any dead babies at the Cincinnati Zoo."

"Most men know that women dream of having two men at the same time. But they don't understand that in those fantasies one man is cleaning the house and the other one is cooking."

"I started writting an autobiography but I gave up... Story of my life."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day. --My amazing girlfriend told me this one"

"I went to a bingo hall last night. It was good seeing some old faces."

"somewhere two teens in a love triangle are saying ""she faves you, but she RTs me"" to one another"

"My girlfriend told me that she just needed a little space. So now she lives in the trunk of my car."

"[Job interview] Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off the bus? Interviewer: Holy shit"