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Joke of the Day

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two...but I don't know how you're going to get them in there..."

"Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet... it takes a Chinese newborn an extra three hours to make their goddamned shoes."

"Proud of myself. I only ate 1 brownie today. I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie."

"Yo Mama... Yo mama so old and so fat that when she sat down, they called it the Cambrian mass extinction."

"I wonder what people with house phones posted on MySpace today?"

"Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing."

"Stop bragging about your 10,000 lakes, Minnesota. You don't hear Iowa going on and on about its 12,000 smells."

"How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2 . One to screw it in and another to say, ""I could do that""."

"If you're sad & lonely If you're sad, lonely & home alone always watch good horror movie & you will feel someone's presence with you."

"LOVED ONES: When I die, I want you to throw a sad party where you all look at my dead body US, FOR SOME REASON: Ok that's no problem"