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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a game of Monopoly: if you're good at it, the rest of your family will hate you"

"My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now."

"""Gosh it's raining cats and dogs"" said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. ""I know"" said his mother. ""I've just stepped in a poodle!"""

"What's the difference between Jesus and a Mexican? Jesus didn't have a bunch of tattoos of a Mexican..."

"I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros."

"I feel more shame when someone glances at my computer or phone and catches me looking at Facebook, than I would if it were porn."

"When I got pregnant people would always say 'eating for two now are we?' I'd tell them to bugger off, I'm not cutting down."

"Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through."

"I once dated a 3 foot tall model who played a supporting role in Cat and the Hat She was a pretty little thing"

"I'm not on the Atkins Diet. I'm on the Rowan Atkinson Diet... It's all BEANS!!"