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Joke of the Day

"Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. Guess I really am independent"

"Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 70% water. I can walk on babies. I'm... In prison."

"Titanic sank 103 years ago... ...making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on! Hi-YO!"

"How do the Kardashians change a broken light bulb They buy a new house"

"A computer architect walks up to an elevator and sees a sign that says ""Out of Order"".. .. and says ""Even better!"" and gets into it."

"Croc sandals are like getting a blowjob from a dude... They feel amazing but you realize how gay you are when you look down."

"I had sex with a waitress and it was terrible. She just wanted the tip."

"Sex is hereditary... ... if your parents never had it you won't either."

"""He's more scared of you than you are of him"" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me"

"Me: How awful do I look? Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on? Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No."