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Joke of the Day

"My housemates may get angry at me for stealing all their cooking utensils.. ..but quite frankly that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

"Playing Pokemon Go is like having sex with a cheap hooker... ..You never know what you're going to catch."

"He was a man of peace...until they burned down his village. Now, the quest for vengeance has turned him into...A Man Of Burning Things Down"

"Why are fat people like relationships? Most of them don't work out."

"Extra car key Extra house key Extra storage unit key Key to an extra apartment with a liquor cabinet - Keys to a successful relationship"

"I like my women how I like my coffee Lactose-free and 2%."

"Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America."

"thought about a giraffe accidentally getting it's own long neck in a knot and i jus started cryin"

"Used to be I got stoned a lot, people called me a stoner. But now I'm older and my kid brother wants to get baked all the time. So what do I call him?"

"God created the light... Then he called it a day."