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Joke of the Day

"A little girl asked her Dad one day, ""Dad, do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?'"" Her Dad replied, ""No honey, some of them begin with If I'm elected.'"""

"'No you can't have cake! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here, eat this fried flour with butter and maple syrup.' -Moms"

"What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide!"

"My friend got drunk and thinks he had sex with a prostitute... At first he wasn't sure, but then he was *positive*."

"They say in 1990 a vagina almost took Bill Clinton down Now it looks like a weiner may take Hillary"

"I was going to say a gay joke... butt fuck it."

"What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel Sprouts"

"the united states russia argentina and germany walk into a bar...... germany turns to argentina and says ""hey wanna go into the country with me"" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH get it?"

"I save a ton of money on teeth whitening by not smiling."

"I heard Tim Howard's daughters are all still virgins. Cause ain't no balls getting past him."