3095

Joke of the Day

"*Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*"

"How is Bud Light like sex on the beach? they're both fucking close to water"

"Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with ""If you're reading this, I'm already dead."""

"Taking BuzzFeed's millennialness quiz. Apparently having mental health issues and not knowing your gender is 100% millennial."

"If anyone advises you how much lettuce to put on your burger, stop them right there. That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"Well they were right. If you shave around it it looks bigger Damn nose.."

"A termite walks into a bar and says ""Is the Bar Tender here?"""

"A ""C,"" an ""E-flat"" and a ""G"" walk into a bar..... The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve minors here."""

"I just bought a treadmill. It was a little pricey, but I think it will be worth it in the long run"

"[at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word ""bae"""