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Joke of the Day

"I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.... I want to see which one comes first."

"[christmas lights are being put up] Every moth ever: oh hell yeah"

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."

"I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights. Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister."

"Don't go to the bathroom outside that shit's illegal"

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today They must have been laced or something cause I've been trippin all day."

"And the Lord said unto John ""come fourth, and ye shall have eternal life."" John came in 5th, and won a toaster."

"I was wondering why the football was getting bigger... Then it hit me."

"ME: ""I'll have a rum & coke."" HIM: ""I can't serve you."" ME: ""Because I'm too drunk?"" HIM: ""No. 'cause this is a hardware store."""

"Threeway or gangbang If five pre-civil war slaves are gangbanging someone, is it considered a threeway?"