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Joke of the Day

"i started carrying a knife on me after an attempted mugging three years ago. since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful."

"Germans - they're great people, if you give them their dues. (Hint: say it out loud.)"

"What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison? He's not a tight end anymore ;)"

"How do you get a musician off of your porch? You pay for the pizza."

"So, tell me. Why do Russians go crazy over pho? Because... they are so viet *ba dum tss*"

"Why did the customer choose T-Mobile? Because he wanted the worst cellphone service in the world."

"I ALSO wrote a poem! ''I do drugs, you do drugs, we do drugs, they do drugs'' Now, I know it's not the best, but it's pretty dope."

"So Mario is talking to Luigi. ""So I breka up with tha princess last night. But I told her, it's a not you, it's a me! Mario!"""

"Doctor Doctor Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange! Have you tried playing squash?"

"What do you call a Honry Micheal J Fox? A Viberator"