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Joke of the Day

"Why can't dyslexics tell jokes? They always punch up the fuckline."

"*shows up at your work* ""Hi, it's me. From the internet."""

"Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving"

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out! *guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*"

"What do homeless people get for Christmas? Hypothermia."

"""Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""That's cool."""

"Just honked at a red light. That doesn't work."

"Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it's not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty"

"What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park, man."

"Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court."