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Joke of the Day

"Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving"

"I'm not a ""stalker"". I want to make sure you're okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard."

"Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth."

"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"

"Did you hear George R R Martin committed suicide? Yeah. I saw it coming too."

"Your mama's mouth is like a smoke house. Everyone is always hanging their meat in it."

"What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common? Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cantaloupe ! Cantaloupe who ? Cantaloupe with you tonight !"

"My wife is divorcing me, apparently she is sick of all my flower puns... I asked her ""Where's this stemming from petal?"""

"If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?"