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Joke of the Day

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out! *guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*"

"I went to the zoo the other day, There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu."

"I'm not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be tit shaped."

"What do you get when you cross Groot with Santa? A Giving Christmas Tree"

"Rob somebody at gunpoint today, show the world how serious you are at nicknaming your new friend Robert."

"A horse walks into a bar and says, ""On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?"" The bartender says, ""Y, the long face."""

"What's the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on Catholics. (From a poster on the ceiling in my dentists office)"

"[sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? ""i ate my banana"""

"[Mr. Robot] I may be late... ...and, for sure, Edward Alderson is late, but Christian's later"

"Caught in the act My wife walked in on me masturbating to a picture of an optical illusion I said ""Darling.. it's not what it looks like"""