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Joke of the Day

"Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it's not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty"

"[catches your phone before it hits the ground] Whew, that was close! [smashes your phone against the wall] See, that could have happened."

"Catch 22: I bought a protein shake but am not strong enough to twist the cap off."

"Did you know about this breed of horses? This breed can jump higher than the average house. You might think, WOW, how can this be? Well, it has very strong legs and the average house can't jump."

"What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F"

"If Jenny has 215 coins in one hand and 412 coins in the other,what does Jenny have? 5 days to live."

"What do Cooperstown and Woodstock have in common? Cooperstown is where Baseball wasn't invented and Woodstock is where the festival didn't happen."

"Actually....The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is,,,,,, Just open the door and push her out."

"My wife just walked into a huge spider web. She is now a black belt in karate."

"maybe babys cry bc theyve realized their potential for greatness decreases w/ each passing secomd until they die an old soul w/ lost dreams"