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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a serial killing cannibal who catches on fire easily? Flammable Lector."

"Hi Africa, it's America. A guy over here just ate 69 hotdogs in 10 minutes! How's everything going with you?"

"Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox? He was syncing too much time into it."

"If I were a millionaire, I'd probably sign up Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow for a movie called, 'Salt' & 'Pepper'."

"Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope"

"Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!"

"I became a Jew today Only in it for the money."

"Incredible Hulk Experiment-Day 13 Just woke up. Still not a Hulk. Looks like I ate all those moldy bagels for nothing. -Research Continues"

"I ate a big cheeseburger for lunch and my heart started going really fast, so I'm counting it as an hour at the gym."

"There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable...."