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Joke of the Day

"There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable...."

"A bead of sweat forms on my brow. And another. Intensity builds as I decide my future and embrace it. ""I'll take the maple bar, please."""

"Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?"

"What's long and hard and has cum in it? Cumulative exams."

"This is why I drink. - Me, doing anything sober."

"Dude goes to convenience store and asks for cigarettes, gets one and warning reads "" Smoking can cause impotency"" politely asks ""Bro, give me the pack that causes cancer"""

"Rum: ""Drink me."" Me: ""No, I'll get a hangover."" Rum: ""Nah, you'll get funnier and better looking!"" Me: ""Really?"" *drinks* Rum: ""Sucker."""

"Lassie once told me a boy fell down a well, but since no one else can speak dog I ignored it because I was building a furniture fort."

"What did the 2 rednecks say after breaking up? Let's just be cousins."

"Girl are you a Louis Vuitton store? Because I've never been inside you and probably never will unless I'm rich one day."