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Joke of the Day

"I was at the airport when I saw a soldier returning home. The first thing he said was, ""look mom, no hands."""

Next Joke
 
"What's the difference between a retard and a baby? The baby has a soul."
"Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!"
"A car full of catholic school children got in a terrible accident Nun survived."
"What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? Decaffeinated."
"""Maybe connect two monocles together? Pretty good idea. I have to write this down."" - the guy that invented the pen"
"I bought the mask Jigsaw wears in the movie 'SAW' just so that if a robber ever breaks into my house he'll know he made a fucking mistake."
"So in 2016 I've decided to leave all the negative people behind. So im sorry if i owe you money because im moving on from that now."
"Crush: ""Hey!"" Me: *Retard mode activated*"
"Why is a man's pee yellow, and his sperm white? So he can tell if he's coming or going."