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Joke of the Day

"Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!"

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"Why was the baby ant confused? Because all of it's Uncles were Aunts(Ants)"
"It's funny how one person can make you never trust anybody..."
"Why does Donald Trump always seem upset? Because it's better to be pissed off than pissed on."
"Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. (Stolen from my science textbook)"
"For some reason, I'm not in The Guinness Book of Records. Even though I was *definitely* the first person ever to touch my penis."
"FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food."
"Why to Native Americans wear Jockstraps? TOTEM POLE!!"
"What has four legs and two assholes? A police horse."
"H: I think we should see other people. Me: Do I have to? I don't even really want to see you."