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Joke of the Day

"Red bull gives you crippling heart palpitations just doesn't have the same ring to it."

"Didn't think my kid was ever going to sleep, earlier.You would've thought the cops were here,the way she was resisting a rest."

"What happens to a legend's career when he loses his leg? It ends."

"Why wasn't meek mills phone working? Because it wasn't ""charged up"""

"Why did Helen Keller masterbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other XD"

"[first day of work as a 911 operator] ""Hello, 911"" Hi someone's trying to break into my house ""holy shit call 911"""

"an Irishman, Englishman an Scotsman walk into a bar The bartender says, ""Is this a joke"""

"You have the body of a god... ...too bad its a Buddha"

"What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean? Columbus"

"1. Change last name to Crunch. 2. Join the military. 3. Work my way up to Captain. 4. Become Captain Crunch. 5. WIN LIFE"