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Joke of the Day

"Why did Helen Keller masterbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other XD"

"Pants are for people with something to hide."

"When my friends told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo... I had to put my foot down."

"Your car keys will always be in the same pocket as the hand that's carrying 6 bags of groceries. Always."

"This is why I failed out of collage."

"What's a lesbian's favorite meal to cook? Nothing. Lesbians don't cook. They eat out."

"I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels"

"Knuckle tats: (M)(Y)(P)(A)(R)(E)(N)(T)(S) (W)(E)(R)(E)(R)(E)(L)(A)(T)(E)(D)"

"Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle."

"april fools joke: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine"