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Joke of the Day

"*christopre walken givig tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unecesary pause* for walken"

"Damn Girl, did you fall from heaven? Cus your face is fucked up."

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a hour. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency. Me: I'm 33 and I tried to do a cartwheel."

"My priest's been buying tonnes of kittens lately... I think he's a Cat-a-holic."

"Sure, white people can't say the ""N word"" but. atleast we can say phrases like, ""Thanks for the warning, Officer"" and, ""Hey, Dad."""

"First time I saw a dry erase board I said thats ""remarkable"""

"My doctor told me he appreciates my patience. I told him that I appreciate that he appreciates his patients."

"Maybe it's karma that I stepped in gum after all the times I've spit mine out on sidewalks. Didn't stop me from keying the nearest car."

"When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, I wasn't prepared for all the changes I'd have to make... ...like my name, phone number, job, city where I live..."