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Joke of the Day

"Maybe it's karma that I stepped in gum after all the times I've spit mine out on sidewalks. Didn't stop me from keying the nearest car."

"I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them ""My Dixie wrecked"""

"why can't conservatives work at a checkout counter? Because they don't like change..."

"I just quit my job crushing cans at the soft drink factory... It was just soda pressing."

"I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's ""The Final Countdown"" during the last 30 seconds."

"A teenager walks into a library. He asks the librarian, ""Where can I find a book on how to kill myself?"" The librarian retorts, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"""

"I got a black girlfriend now. I burned my hand on the stove."

"A man goes into the doctor, and says ""I broke my arm in three places."" And the doctor says, ""Well then don't go to those places anymore."""

"You know what's a load of crap? Anal sex"

"Why can't T-Rexs clap their hands? Because they're all dead"