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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me he appreciates my patience. I told him that I appreciate that he appreciates his patients."

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need... Not all this, ""How the fuck did you get in my house?!"" nonsense."

"What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . ."

"What does a brick and a fat girl have in common? Both will eventually be laid by a Mexican."

"What do you call someone who spends all day masturbating in the restroom? Pissing away your future."

"My first anal was like getting my first car I didn't wanted it m,but dad gave it to me anyway"

"I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night."

"[spelling bee] Your word is 'effusive' ""E-F-F-U-S-I-V-E"" That is correct. What was your name? ""It's Siv"" I know lmao [hi5s other judge]"

"Did you hear about the man who was hit over the head with a bobble-head in a rice field? It's the first reported case of a knick knack paddy whack."

"Maybe 6% of pens work. Terrible job, pen manufacturers."