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Joke of the Day

"I don't smoke, so I take ""screaming"" breaks at work."

"My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you'll need a shovel and map to find him."

"Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face."

"Running through a campground is impossible. You can only ran, because it's past tents."

"*brain waking up* oh god please not again I can't keep existing in this reality *brain 20 minutes later* 1000000 chameleons is a chamillion"

"What does a cat say when he likes something? It's purrrfect."

"Pretty weird to think that in the future, there will be old people named 'Hailey' and 'Brayden' running around in vintage Twilight t-shirts."

"If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo's show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it's Halloween because our family reunion was in July...."

"(scientists naming weird spiny thing in a bush) Scientist 1: This thing sucks Scientist 2: Yeah! S1: It's hogging all the hedges! S2: Wait."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer? You only have to punch the information into a computer once."